Office worker constantly asks colleague for favors, gets annoyed when he stops because she called him 'cold': 'I just adjusted my energy'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 23, 2026 9:00 AM EST

Teamwork is the bedrock of a successful office.

The thing is, that means that every single person has to make the effort to contribute to the team. The ability to work well with others is a much sought-after skill that most hiring managers covet. However, it is one thing to BS about it in the interview, and quite another to practice it when you are in the role. All too often, it turns out that this was one thing that an employee was willing to lie about.

When it comes down to it, those who suffer most from workers who do not work well with others are their colleagues. They will be the ones facing a bad attitude or picking up the slack. One of the most common ways in which people prove to be bad coworkers is by getting others to do their jobs for them; they simply do not want to contribute what they ought to, and they think that the whole office should revolve around their priorities. They leave their other colleagues in an awkward position where the only way they can stop bending over backwards for them is by standing up for themselves in a way that they are not going to enjoy.

 

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  • a woman holding a tablet leans over a man who is sat down and pointing to something on a piece of paper he is holding
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, an office worker was growing increasingly stressed because of the constant favors that his coworker was asking of him. He was considered the person to go to when someone needed help, and she quickly became reliant on him.

    As well as increasing his workload, she displayed an attitude towards him that he found upsetting. During a team lunch, she joked that he was a “cold and robotic” presence in the office.

    In response to this, he stopped volunteering to help her out with anything and refused any requests. The woman got offended at his change in behavior, and he wasn't sure if he had done the right thing.

  • Am I wrong for quietly stopping doing favors for my coworker after she called me "cold"?

    I work in a small office and for the longest time I was the go to person for tiny favors.
    via twilightmarble
  • Covering phones, grabbing coffee, helping with reports, staying a bit late when someone ran behind. I didnt mind, it felt normal and we all help each other right?
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  • One coworker in particular started leaning on me a lot. Lets call her S. It was always small stuff at first but it slowly turned into daily asks.
    via twilightmarble
  • Can you finish this email. Can you stay an extra hour. Can you swap lunch breaks.
    via twilightmarble
  • I started feeling drained but never said anything. Last month during a team. lunch she joked that Im "kind of cold and robotic" and said it laughing, but everyone went quiet.
    via twilightmarble
  • I brushed it off but honestly it stuck with me more than I expected. After that I stopped volunteering.
    via twilightmarble
  • I still do my job well, still polite, still helpful when its truly needed. I just dont jump in automatically anymore.
    via twilightmarble
  • I say sorry I cant today. Or Im busy right now. Since then S barely talks to me and another coworker hinted that I was being passive aggressive and holding a grudge.
    via twilightmarble
  • I dont think Im punishing anyone, I just adjusted my energy. But part of me wonders if this is immature and I should have said something directly instead of pulling back quietly.
    via twilightmarble
  • Now work feels a bit awkward and I keep replaying that lunch moment in my head.
    via twilightmarble
  • a man and a woman stand next to each other, having a discussion. The woman holds a tablet and the man holds a clipboard
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • nopantsdanceparty If you're not getting paid or it isn't in your job description, it's not your responsibility.
    via nopantsdanceparty
  • LadyBAudacious I don't think so. It's an example of FAFO. That was an unnecessary comment from her and she should have apologised. It was obvious from the awkward silence that it was the wrong thing to say. It's pretty telling that nobody put her back in her box that a) she's not a likeable person and b) none of them are worth your time and help. If I were you, I'd carry on with your new normal. If it's slightly uncomfortable they all know why and they've only themselves to blame. At least you'l
    via LadyBAudacious
  • Tight-Shift5706 OP, Kudos to you for establishing appropriate professional boundaries. You remain professional. You remain courteous. You ably fulfill your responsibilities and go beyond in those instances where YOU decide it's warranted. Suggests to me that her denigrating comment caused you to recognize that you were neither being recognized nor appreciated for going above and beyond what was required be done. Congratulations on taking steps for your own self-preservation.
    via Tight-Shift5706
  • mochi7227 NTA. If you responded to her remarks at lunch, you'll seem angry. It's best that you don't respond. Forever. To the coworker who hinted you are passive aggressive, you also don't need to respond. You are not the aggressor. You didn't start commenting on others. It's good that S doesn't speak to you, then she can't ask you for favors.
    via mochi7227
  • beginagain4me Funny how those that take advantage of someone always have such strong reactions when someone stops letting them. You aren't the issue here. They just aren't used to consequences.
    via beginagain4me
  • yidabissann Unfortunately, at work it doesn't pay to be helpful. When you give to much people won't recognize the courtesy and privilege you are giving after awhile. Soon they will see it as entitlement and you will be left feeling taken advantage of. Coworkers are rarely your real friends. Keep your new boundaries, who cares if they see it as passive aggressive? Frankly, in a work environment you will be more respected than if you are too helpful. Let them see you as the asshole, you can look y
    via yidabissann
  • depressed_popoto It's okay to unlearn being a doormat. It's okay to help when you are asked, but it doesn't mean you should. She has been using you and she will learn that she needs to do her own job.
    via depressed_popoto
  • External-Painter5966 It sounds like you were just trying to set some boundaries after being overwhelmed, which is totally understandable. It's hard when people don't notice that you're carrying too much for them. I don't think you did anything wrong by pulling back a bit. Sometimes we need to reassess how much we're giving and make sure we're not burning out.
    via External-Painter5966
  • willowviolet NTA That coworker that "hinted" that you were being passive-aggressive can go ahead and "hint" that your coworker S was rude and owes you an apology, since they want to manage everyone's feelings. You are allowed to react to how you are being treated. You are not obligated to let it all roll off your back. It is not your duty to give your time and energy to people who say hurtful things to you. You get to decide how you feel.
    via willowviolet

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favor employee work coworkers Office workplace entitled people
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